A “new” Dani.


Blog post: https://daniellegruzelier.wixsite.com/livealittle/blog/a-new-dani
Originally posted:  August 15th 2018

I chose to shave my head six days after I was diagnosed and before I even started chemo. The week I found out I felt so out of control of my life, I still do. I felt like my body was no longer my own. I decided to shave my head to gain back control.
I have always loved my hair. I have been blessed with thick, voluminous hair. Gifted to me from my mother (I didn’t get her legs however). I have spent thousands of dollars on maintaining it, cutting and colouring it. For those of you who know me well know I am forever changing my look. It seems every-time I suffer some sort of heartache I change my hair. It bas been a way for me to shed my old skin and embody “A new Dani”.
I looked at myself in the mirror and started savagely cutting sections off over the sink. I didn’t want to look after something I knew I couldn’t keep. It was wild, I had never thought I would ever have a shaved head. They offer scalp cooling to keep the hair from falling out during chemo sessions but I wanted this to be rebirth. I didn’t want to hold onto the past and wear it after this journey.
It took 1.5 hours to remove my mop. It was sad to see it fall to the floor. It was a special experience having my loved ones cut my hair. It has now been three weeks since I shaved it and even though my body has been pumped full of poison my hair has grown a lot. Last night a patch started to fall, they say by day 17 the hair starts to come out. I can’t wait to grow my hair back and return to being a hair chameleon.
I had never considered breast surgery as I have been blessed with beautiful DD, perky boobs. I always felt very lucky to have them and they have become a huge part of my sex life. Surprise Boobs I call them – the men I have been with always are shocked when I disrobe.
I do not have extra fat to use to create a new set of breasts so I will only have implants inserted. My cancer is also located in my milk duct so the removal of my nipple is a must. As a result of this my breasts will decrease in size dramatically, possibly to a B. B’s are cute and they will be very perky, but I will have no nipples therefore no feeling and I will never be able to breast feed my children.
Coming to terms with the fact that I will be losing a part of my body I am so connected too, so young will be a battle. It is a small price to pay for life however, and with the help of my loving partner Nick, I know I will make the transition as positive as possible.
A new Dani, a new life… a better one I think, and I can’t wait.
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Photo by Fabian Møller on Unsplash

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